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I did meet several fellows who looked promising at first. But more in Chapter 4: Post-Divorce Dating. Then there was Pete the high-priced management consultant. We met in late when I had a brief binge on Match. He was a perfect gentleman, articulate, earnestly seeking a relationship, loved music and dancing, and generally on the up and up I was sure. We talked by phone in early July while I was alone back East after my Dad died and Dan ditched me.

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Why Do We Repeat the Past in Our Relationships? In repetition compulsion, Humans seek comfort in what is familiar and predictable-even if this means repeatedly dating people who are. Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats an event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again. This "re-living" can also take the form of dreams in which memories and feelings of what happened are repeated, and even hallucinated. "The textbook case is the codependent wife always trying to rescue her alcoholic husband by paying his bills or covering up his bad behavior. She's blindly acting out a childhood repetition compulsion that she's got to 'fix it' - just like as a child she had to cheer up Mom or appease angry Dad.

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For instance, if you had to take care of siblings in your youth, you may feel the need to do the same for a partner.

Bad Relationship Patterns and the Repetition Compulsion

Except unlike your siblings, that partner may be abusive, ungrateful, or immature. CBT focuses on recognizing that need to be the caretaker, and changing your resulting actions.

This is an oversimplification - and only one example - but may help explain how CBT can help. Do you want to end your cycle of negative and unhealthy relationships?

What is Repetition Compulsion? - Breaking Bad Relationship Patterns

Azevedo Family Psychology offers psychotherapy and cognitive behavioral therapy to individuals in the Cary area of North Carolina. You must be logged in to post a comment. Bad Relationship Patterns and the Repetition Compulsion. Show all. Categories Relationships.

Repetition compulsion dating

Part of the reality of these repetitive behaviors is that you are attempting to revisit a past emotional condition and relive it to gain a positive emotional experience. Or you may be trying to rewrite it, hoping to achieve a different emotional response or outcome this time around.

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Of course, this result isn't possible, so you find yourself not dealing with the original emotional wounds, and instead, continue to inflict more emotional wounds upon yourself. While it might seem that we have healed and attempted to grow, in reality, when under pressure, we may easily find ourselves in a position where our current anxieties become overwhelming. Once that happens, it is easy to go back to square one and regress into those repetitive compulsions that are familiar and comforting.

However, these behaviors can be very destructive and are represented by our poor choices or physical behaviors that put us in harm's way.

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Here are just a few of those destructive defenses and how they can negatively impact our current relationships. For those who have dealt with trauma or relationships that were less than ideal, it can be easy to slip into the world of victimhood, where you just assume this is your destiny and living this way is a fact of life.

However, it does not have to be this way. Part of the process is working to address those past hurts, acknowledging what happened in your past, and making a conscious choice not to allow those hurts to impact your future decisions and relationships.

Repetition compulsion dating - If you are a middle-aged woman looking to have a good time dating woman half your age, this advertisement is for you. Register and search over 40 million singles: voice recordings. Rich woman looking for older man & younger man. I'm laid back and get along with everyone. Looking for an old soul like myself. I'm a woman. Repetition compulsion is an unconscious tendency to repeat the most destructive or painful actions. Find out the different ways to overcome this behavior. BetterHelp offers private, affordable online counseling when you need it from licensed, board-accredited therapists. The repetition compulsion is not exclusive to romantic relationships. It is a natural human behavior that compels us to repeat past trauma. The term was coined by Freud, who defined it as "the desire to return to an earlier state of things.".

At the same time, you also have to address any coping mechanisms or negative behaviors that you engage in. These self-destructive behaviors can have far-reaching negative consequences if you do not replace them with healthier coping mechanisms.

Jul 08,   Home Blog Repetition Compulsion: Why Do We Repeat the Past? "If you can't repeat your past Are they not of the past? Isn't it repetition? Humans seek comfort in the familiar. Freud Author: Kristi A. Dename. That wounded, rejected, abandoned little boy or girl is still trying to win mommy or daddy's love. In order for the repetition compulsion to play out, the love interest must, by definition. Oct 10,   The codependant experiences repetition compulsion believing they were the source of strife in their parental relationship. They feel that if they can fix their unavailable partner they can fix their flawed familial relationships. In this way, the repetitive compulsion feeds .

If you have used addiction or self-harm to address emotional issues, then it is important to seek help in order to address and understand the underlying causes behind the addiction. Working with a licensed therapist or certified counselor, you can begin to address those underlying concerns, including those past relationships and how they continue to impact your current relationship choices.

Repetitive compulsions are a coping mechanism, but they are a bandaid solution only- since they mask a deeper issue that needs to be addressed if you want to heal and get better.

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Working with a licensed therapist, you can deal with those compulsions and the things that serve as triggers. Recognize that part of moving forward is finding a way to re-parent yourself to a degree.

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It means permitting yourself to love who you are with all your flaws, whether they are real or perceived. Part of the process is also admitting you are not the reason your parents or a significant other chose to be distant. You must acknowledge that they made their own decisions and emotional responses. Recognize that your actions had little to do with the choices they made. It is important to understand that you have value and that you deserve close relationships with intimacy, just like anyone else.

For those who have dealt with abuse, it is important to recognize that you did not cause the abuse.

There is no way that you could have behaved better or said the right thing to make the abuse stop. It can be easy to remain preoccupied with the trauma at the expense of other life experiences.

Recognizing that you need help can be scary and reaching out and asking for that help can be nerve wracking. The first step towards changing your circumstances and turning the page to a brighter future begins with treatment and with healing.

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